the fire journey

Mental illness and mental health in general have become a much bigger topic than they used to be. I have been wondering about this lately, wondering if it is because mental illness is more rampant today, or if it’s just that people are more aware and open about it than they used to be. I can’t help but believe that it’s both. There is so much that plays into mental health; the presence and usage of social media, addictions, our perceptions of ourselves, our worldviews, our lifestyles, biological factors like genetics and physical health, and much more.

And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with talking about mental health. At all. In fact, I think it’s a good thing for us to be aware of and to discuss (if I didn’t I would never have started this blog!). It’s an especially good thing when the discussion of mental health leads to taking steps to decreasing stress and improving lifestyles. And I’m a strong believer that being honest and open about your mental health can mean the world to someone else, because I know firsthand what it feels like to be barely holding on. During some of my darkest days and hardest months of my life, part of the reason I was able to hold on was due to opening up to people about what was going on. There was a time that honesty, both to myself and to the people who cared about me, played a huge part in literally staying alive. If I had kept what was going on in my brain to myself I likely would have continued on a very destructive path.

Our stories can be very encouraging to one another, especially when they serve as a reminder that we’re not alone and that battles can be won. Because honestly, so many of us struggle with such similar issues, and no one should have to face their darkness entirely alone. I believe God put us on this earth together to share not only the joys of life with each other but also the difficulties. Parents of children with behavioral disorders can benefit greatly from simply knowing other parents out there have experienced the same things. Likewise, those with clinical depression, anxiety, disorders, and other struggles can be very encouraged to know that they are not alone in the fight. Even if you never come face to face with a person who shares the struggle, these days there are so many ways to connect, such as by social media, books, and music through which others are open about their struggles. And I think this is a good thing.

But then there is another side to things; when talking about our struggles is no longer done for the sake of love, honesty, and openness, but instead becomes something else. Something harmful. As human beings, we want to know our identity. We want to put our identity in things, and we want to be able to nail down who we are and what makes us, us. Carrying a mental diagnosis, just like anything else, can give us something that’s very easy to put our whole identity in, and there are multiple reasons why this can be harmful to both ourselves and others.

Firstly, identifying too strongly with our mental state (be it short term or long term) can really hinder our ability to heal, and to grow through our struggles. Because if our struggles are the biggest aspect of who we are, we’re less likely to want to get better. After all, why would we want to lose our identity? When things get to the point where you can’t imagine who you’d be without the struggle, it’s probably time to do some “soul searching” and reassess your values and what makes you, you. For me, I find myself in my faith, as a follower of Christ – and I have no reason to fear putting my identity in that because I have reached the point that I believe it’s something I can never lose.

Secondly, putting our identity in certain struggles can make us become placid about the severity of things in some cases. Falling into the habit of telling yourself that your depression is your personality is likely to make things harder in the long run. Letting self-harm become your norm because it’s just “who you are” is detrimental to both your mental and physical health. Putting our identity in mental health issues can even lead to romanticizing it and making it out to be something that it’s not, which can harm others too.

“Mental health problems don’t define who you are,” writes author Matt Haig. “They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but you are not the rain.” So let’s be honest, not just with ourselves but with others. More often than not, we’re not as alone in the storm as we may have thought.

Sharing our struggles does not always result in the level of support that we want or need, especially when those around us are ignorant, have a poor understanding, and/or have a negative view of it all. But for me, to be open is a way to advocate for all of us affected by it. For me, to be open is a way to love. And I truly believe that hearts and minds can change, in a way that transforms the way mental health issues — and those who experience them every day — are understood.