the fire journey

Things that are helpful:

• Researching. Not only is doing good research easy and educational, but for those of us who actually live with a mental illness to know that you are putting time and effort into understanding, it can mean the world.
• Being conscious of how you talk about mental illness. I wrote about this one in a previous post, “5 Ways to Start Breaking the Stigma of Mental Illness in the Church.”
• Being willing to have hard conversations. Sometimes the things we talk about can be very, very difficult to hear. But sometimes all we need is to just tell someone we trust about what’s going on.
• Remembering that we are trying. Just because progress may be slow does not mean we are not getting anywhere, and more often than not we are trying our very best – even when that means just staying afloat.
• Listening. When you don’t know what to say and it doesn’t feel like there’s much you can do, simply listening without judgement can mean the world. But, this also involves respecting our boundaries when we don’t want to talk about it.
• Checking in regularly. Checking in does not mean prying, it just means showing us that you care, asking how we are doing, and reminding us that you are there no matter what.

Things that are not helpful:

• Assuming that everything you research will pertain to your loved one. Yes, researching and educating yourself using reputable websites, podcasts, and books is an awesome thing. But even in sharing the same illness there’s a wide spectrum of experiences that each of us have.
• Assuming that we are struggling because we are doing something wrong. Sometimes our brains are just wired differently, and clinical mental illnesses are not punishment for lack of prayer or faith.
• Trying to “fix” us. We literally just want someone who will walk alongside us. Most mental illnesses cannot be fixed, but they can most definitely be managed.
• Taking it personally when we say ‘no’ to things. Sometimes saying no is important, for anyone. It doesn’t mean we’re letting anxiety control what we do, and it doesn’t mean we’re weak, and it certainly doesn’t mean we don’t like you. In many instances it simply means we are trying our best to preserve our mental energy.
• Assuming that everything we do is because of the illness. Not every mood or every struggle is a symptom, and everyone has bad days.
• Giving unsolicited advice. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it can be helpful to talk things out with someone and get ideas. But chances are, we have tried a lot, and it can be discouraging to hear opinions that we didn’t ask for.