the fire journey

“Nothing’s wrong, nothing’s wrong, it’s just a bad week. We all have those. There’s no point in complaining so just let it go. Clear your head, get your poker face on, cause this is embarrassing. Push it down, you don’t have to let the whole world know.”

Mike Waters song, I’m Doing Fine, perfectly describes the inner narrative many of us go through during the holidays. Because for some of us, it is a joyful time full of good family, good friends, good food, and good gifts. But for others of us, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years aren’t all that they’re expected to be.

According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness (nami.org), one survey showed that 64% of people with mental illness said the holidays make their conditions worse, and another showed that 3 in 5 Americans said they felt that the holidays had a harmful effect on their mental health. It’s no wonder, considering the financial, social, and emotional pressure that has been put on it by ourselves and others, not to mention unnecessary expectations that have arisen through false advertisements and deceiving posts on social media. It’s a lot.

Something that can be important to remember is that there is a series of lies that tend to grab hold of our brains during the holidays that can make things especially hard. Here are three of those lies and some thoughts on what we can do to combat them.

• “I’m supposed to have it all together.” During the holidays it is especially easy to be hard on yourself for your troubles, a.k.a. everything that is challenging or simply isn’t going as you would like. But Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) The truth is, nobody has it all together – and we’re not supposed to. Every trouble is an opportunity for openness and encouragement within our community. Every struggle is an opportunity for love.
• “Everybody’s life is perfect except mine.” This is easy to fall into, especially given how many people use social media to share all their successes and everything that’s going right. Because, lets be honest; we all dream about the way the holidays are “supposed to be.” What social media doesn’t show you is what is going on behind the scenes – the not-so-pretty befores and afters of photos, and the relationships that aren’t so picture-perfect.
• “Something’s wrong with me because I don’t feel happy.” There is an added pressure around the holidays to be more social and jolly than usual. But sometimes trying to make yourself be happy can really backfire – especially when you are in the midst of depression, anxiety, or other mental illness. What can be helpful, however, is giving yourself grace and compassion and remembering that despite how you feel you can still be thankful and present. Gratefulness can make a world of difference when it comes to your outlook on life, and being present in whatever you’re doing or whoever you’re with can help you to enjoy the moment so much more, even if you aren’t feeling much joy.

However, sometimes there isn’t a specific lie we’re fighting – and what we really have to do is simply manage our personal and interpersonal expectations. Expectations suck the joy out of even the best moments when they are set too high or too specifically. It is fairer to both ourselves and others to set reasonable expectations and keep an open mind about what makes a holiday special.

Practically speaking, taking care of your mental health during the holidays can look a lot of different ways. If you are prone to overworking yourself, it could mean saying “no” to certain things and setting aside time to rest. If you tend to get overwhelmed by the social aspects of the holidays, it could mean taking breaks away from the bustle of things by going for walks or taking quiet periodic breathers. If you have difficult family members, it could mean setting boundaries and limiting how much time you spend with them. And if times of the year like Thanksgiving and Christmas tend to underline your loneliness or depression, it could mean a balance of both reaching out for help and focusing on others.

The ending of Mike Water’s song perfectly describes what should be voiced sometimes during the holidays when there can be high social pressures and taking care of our mental health gets overlooked in the wake of everything going on.

“But I gotta tell you, sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind when I say ‘I’m doing fine, I’m doing fine, I’m doing fine.’ I let the waves crash down, but if I’m honest I need you to help me out. I need a hand sometimes. Don’t let the weight on my shoulders keep on weighing me down for one minute longer. I’m so tired, so can you help me? I’m not doing fine.”